This is not my beautiful house
This is not my beautiful wife
i love the term “partners”
are we dating?
are we robbing a bank?
do we run a legal firm?
are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit?
he just can’t let it go
Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was, “is it better to use “had” or “had had” in this example sentence?”
The teacher collected the tests, and looked over their answers.
James, while John had had “had”, had had “had had.” “Had had” had had a better effect on the teacher.
welcome to the english language
lavender brown gets more hate for how she handles unrequited romantic feelings than snape does and i find that incredibly disturbing
Also Cho Chang gets more hate for crying and grieving over the death of her boyfriend, than Snape does for literally abusing and terrorizing children because he couldn’t have Lily Evans.
There needs to be a live action version of this starring Neil Patrick Harris and Robert Downey Jr.
OH MY GOD
THAT IS ALL I WANT NOW
James Potter accidentally shifting into Animagus shape when someone gives him a scare, and the first night Harry starts screaming in the middle of the night Lily isn’t sure if she’s still dreaming when she sees a distressed deer jumping against the bedroom door
IS EVERYONE JUST GOING TO ADD THAT GIF TO ALL MY JAMES POTTER POSTS ARE YOU SERIOUS
Sex is not a goddamn performance.
Sex should feel as natural as drinking water.
It should not require confidence.
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe.
Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh.
It’s not about being “good in bed.”
It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you.
Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be.
I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want.
Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what.
You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you.
Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel.
This isn’t a test.
Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.
I don’t know why this is so funny but I legit just laughed for probably 10 minutes straight oh my god